Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Is it a Bird? Is it a Plane? NO!!! It’s SUPER MAMMY!!!!!

“Mirror Mirror on the wall, who is the cutest fat girl of them all?”

This is the question I ask my mirror every morning!

“Of course you are Diva! You Better Work Bitch! (My mirror is a gay man). And it looks like you lost a couple of pounds!” is the usual response that my mirror gives to me, especially if it’s in a good mood! When my mirror is in a bad mood, he may make a bitchy comment about my wardrobe. But I found out recently that my damn mirror is a liar!!!

A while back, a couple of my best friends came to visit me from Chicago. One of them is my gorgeous friend Tina, who has always been a skinny girl. After she got married and had her daughter Khari, she gained a few pounds. Only a FEW! But she swears she is so thick now…so when Tina came to see me, she enjoyed sporting her new line of t-shirts that she designs. She had the nerve to wear one that said THICK across the front.

Tina was admiring herself in my mirror and all of a sudden she says “I don’t like this mirror, it makes me look skinny!” To which I replied “You ARE skinny!”. She turns to look at me with disgust “Shut up! I’m Thick. This mirror just makes me look smaller than I am….I hate mirrors like this!”

I freaked out!!! That means all this time, I’ve been thinking I looked a lot smaller than I do. That damn mirror has been lying to me for months now! DAMN YOU MIRROR!!

Until that moment, I never really realized how important my REFLECTION was. All this time I had been thinking I looked a certain way, trusting that what the mirror revealed to me was true. I looked smaller, so I acted smaller. I thought I was cute, so I acted cute. But once I found out that the reflection that I see may not be what others see, my behavior changed….I wondered how the rest of the world viewed me!

I wonder what people see when they SEE me. I wonder do they really see me at all, or do they see what they want to see.

From this point on, I have decided to be really careful about who’s reflection of me I trust. It’s important that we all make sure that we don’t let the way other people SEE us determine our worth. Their vision might be skewed like my mirror…….

My friend Tina’s daughter Khari is 4 years old. Recently Tina showed Khari my picture on my myspace page and Khari said “Ooooh Mommy, she is beautiful. She looks like Violet from the Incredibles!”

When Tina called me about this I said “They have a cartoon with a fat super hero? Damn, that’s great! Can she fly? I can’t imagine her having enough energy to save somebody!”

“No dummy!” Tina replied “Violet is not fat. She’s one of the kids on the cartoon. She’s a super hero!’

Wow! To little Khari my weight did not matter. To her, I looked like a superhero! I wish I could see myself with her eyes, because to me I am the farthest thing from a super hero!

Since I have been doing comedy, a couple of male comedians have said to me “Erica you are going to be successful because America loves a Big Black Woman! It’s like you are a new aged Mammy. All you gotta do is be sassy and stand on stage with your hands on your hips and say ‘What’s up Motha’ Fucka’s’…you’ll be a star!! “

What is the most upsetting is that it has been BLACK MEN that have said this to me. They don’t see me as a talented, articulate, funny black woman, they see me as a MAMMY!

Then again, Mammy was a superhero too. She kept the plantation running smoothly by helping her “white mistress” with her problems and tending to the chillin’s. I seem to do the same thing with my white girlfriends. They always come to me for advice…but I thought it was because I was smart…not because I shop at Lane Bryant. I didn’t know a size 22/24 automatically made you full of wisdom!

Mammy was also asexual. She had a bunch of kids, but you never knew where they came from.

That’s the one major difference between me and Mammy because I would no doubt have sex with Massa! I am looking for a white husband now, as a matter of fact! I figure all these black guys are dating outside of the race…I might as well do it too.

I think all black women should hook up with a white man and create a super-human race of tragic mullattoes!! The great thing is that at least THESE mixed kids hair would be combed correctly. I can always tell when I see a mixed child whether or not they have black or white momma by looking at the condition of their hair. White momma’s know they can’t comb no black child’s hair….

Then again, that’s what Super Mammy is for!

Here I come to save the day!!!! With a brush and grease for every mixed child who’s having a bad hair day!!! Super mammy can even help the hair situation of little African children that are adopted by white celebrities!!!

Well, no matter what. As of today the only reflection I care about is the one I see in my heart…and she’s beautiful!!!

Love & Laughter,



kristin said...

okay i guess i don't get it??? i don't see fat or ugly...is that ur real picture cuz i'm not getting it..

the pink stretchy pants.........no good

Anonymous said...

ok sorry the pink stretchy pants was the profile under yours...still went back and looked...not seeing fat or ugly

Waz up????

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jersey lizzy said...

you are not fat im like u size wize n pretty face but.i dont care what peoplesay as long as your hAppy is all that matters