Monday, May 7, 2007
It's Hard Being A Pretty Fat Girl !
Life is hard for pretty fat girls. See, if you are an ugly fat girl, there is no hope for you, because even if you lose weight, you just become an ugly skinny girl. And Lord knows we already have enough ugly skinny women in the world. But, when you are a fat girl, with a pretty face, all you do is piss men off. Even gay men say "You Fat Bitch! I would probably be straight if you weren't so fat!" And I tell them "Well, you might as well stay gay because I am going to stay fat. Matter of fact, I'll be at the Gay Parade with a bucket of Chicken! Want some? "
But if I can really stop and be honest with myself, I am TIRED OF BEING A PRETTY FAT GIRL!!! Everywhere I go, people always tell me "You have such a pretty face!"...as a matter of fact I have met lots of fat girls that say everyone tells them that. The problem is, some of the fat girls that tell me this ARE NOT CUTE at all!!! So, should I really believe this compliment? Furthermore, it's not a compliment...it's an insult!! Basically they are saying "Girl, your body looks a hot mess!" And I agree...it does...I have let myself go...but that is about to change! TODAY!!!
No one ever stops to think about all the pressure that comes along with being a PRETTY FAT GIRL. People tend to ignore ugly fat girls. Every time I turn on the tv, I see some homely looking fat chick saying how invisible she feels..even though she is BIG. But it is the total opposite for PRETTY FAT GIRLS. Eveywhere we go, we get a lot of attention...especialy from MEN!!
There is always some dumb guy telling me "You know, I usually am not attracted to BIG WOMEN but it is something about you!!".....or I get "Hey! I just love a big woman! Your fat rolls feel so good!" Now, correct me if I am wrong, but I hardly ever hear men go up to skinny women and say "you know, I just love the way your collar bone and rib cage protrudes from under your skin...sex with you is like sleeping with a twelve year old boy..and your lack of breast tissue is so sexy to me!" In my opinion, cute fat girls have it the WORST!!!
If you haven't guessed by now, I am a stand-up comedian. On Saturday, April 21st I performed @ Caroline's On Broadway at a benefit show hosted by my great friend Shelley Wade from Z-100 to raise money for the The Revlon Run/Walk for Women. Lucille Roberts: Fitness for Women was a sponsor for the WALK and they came to the comedy show to give away a FREE YEAR MEMBERSHIP to a lucky audience member. While I was on stage, I asked one of the beautiful representatives, Vanessa if I could get a membership too. And to my surpise she said YES!!! Can you believe it!!!???!! I wish getting a rich NBA player, or a White Husband could be this easy!!!
I just got my Lucille Roberts membership card in the mail today. Vanessa called me this morning and we promised that we would support each other as we attempt to loose weight!! I decided to create this BLOG so that I can tell eveyone about my weight loss adventure that I am about to take with LUCILLE ROBERTS!!! I hope I don't let them down!!!
Feel free to come back here from time to time to read about all of my success!! I have ALOT OF WEIGHT TO LOOSE but I am ready to do it!!
In the meantime, please check out http://www.lucilleroberts.com and look at everything that this gym has to offer...and maybe if you get a membership I will see you there!! I will be the big girl rocking spandex... trying my best to get all of the little cute skinny trainers/instructors to eat some cupcakes!! Yes, I am a hater....so what!!!
By the way. Everything that I say here is all in fun...and does not reflect the opinion of Lucille Robert's or their employees. I just had to put that out there, even though they did not ask me too. This is my own personal BLOG full of my rantings and narrow-minded opinions about being cute and big in America. We live in a very sensitive POLITCALLY CORRECT society where you can't say anything about anybody anymore...well, unless you want to call them FAT....you can definatey say that!! How ironic.
Feel free to leave any comments that you like. Thanks for visiting.
Love & Laughter,