Monday, June 4, 2007
FAT GIRLS are a man's best friend!!
Anyone who knows me....knows that I have always had a bunch of close male friends. Ever since I was a little girl, members of the male species have always wanted to be my BEST FRIEND. Obviously there's something about me that all men love, and I think I've figured it out.....they love my FAT!!!
Come on...you men all know you have one!!! The fat girl who you hang out with all the time, confide in her about your insecurities and fears, invite her over for quality friendship time. Sometimes she'll even spend the night.....you love to cuddle and feel the jiggly warmth of her fat rolls. And, oh my God...she actually has titties.....big ones....pretty ones....but that's just "your girl"....your "best friend", right?
She's funny, extremely intelligent and you love her! You probably even secretly want to sleep with her, but you can't...she's fat!! Not only will your boys clown you, but you know that it is more important to be miserable and bored with a chick with a banging body than it is to be fulfilled and happy with a fat chick!!
Plus, you can always have the skinny chick as wifey and keep the fat girl as the "best friend" because your girlfriend would never think you would cheat on her with the Big Girl!! Even though deep in her heart she knows that you love and respect the fat girl in ways that she will never receive..she doesn't mind because after all she's the catch!!!
Recently, a wife of one of my "best male friends" called me to see how comedy was going for me. I told her that I was trying to lose weight and she said "Girl, you ain't hanging around my husband when you lose weight. He loves you too much...and if you get "thick" I know I'm out of the picture!" Now, I know she was just kidding...but it did make me think...while my weight has been a burden in some ways...it has also made people feel "safe." Will losing weight mean that I will also lose the coveted position of being every man's FAT BEST FRIEND?
DANGER!!! BEWARE !! All men watch out for the shrinking fat girl...you may actually fall in love!!!
Anyway, after years of being the surrogate fat girlfriend for a bunch of guys that secretly love me, but won't date me....you would think that I would be bitter, but I am not!! Actually I feel blessed because I have become an expert on men and relationships.
See, I get to know the inner workings of men in ways that no skinny chick ever will. Men tell me everything!!! Even things that their boys will never know about them, they tell me. From my best male friends that play professional sports all the way to my home boy that works construction, I have the heart of men. I may not get the sex, but I get their respect and love, which many times is more than the women that come and go in their lives ever will.
I went to workout at Lucille Roberts this weekend. Lisette the manager weighed and measured me....and the reality set in!!!! As I bounced up and down on the stair master machine, I realized that I the possibility to lose more than just weight. It's not just the size of my waist that will change...my relationships...and the way people relate to me will change as well!!!
I love all of my male friends....I've been one of the boys so long that I don't know how to be anything else. What will I do if losing weight also means losing the place I have in my boys lives......in their hearts.....Am I ready for that....?
Now, don't get me wrong....plenty of men like BIG GIRLS....and I meet them all the time...so it's not like I've been some ugly duckling that gets no play. And even though most of my close male friends say they are not attracted to BIG GIRLS, many of them have found themselves being attracted to my mind and spirit...and eventually attraction to my body followed....but my weight still held them back...I know it!!
So this time..the questions is not "can men and women be friends?"...but instead....Can men and former fat girls stay friends ? We shall see.......
I haven't lost any male friends yet...but I did lose 2 more pounds! Thanks LUCILLE ROBERTS!!!!
**And before wives start calling me...this issue does not apply to my TRUE BLUE male friends that love me like a sister. But the ones it does apply to know who they are...they are constantly offering to buy me a treadmill for my b-day!!
Love & Laughter,